


I wrote a Batboy Cra(p)ck fanfic once

by Tramsrouy



Category: Batfamily - Fandom, Batman - Fandom, Robin - Fandom
Genre: Batboys, Caffeine, Crack, Gen, do not take this too seriously, sleep deprived
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-22
Updated: 2017-04-22
Packaged: 2018-10-22 10:03:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10694742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tramsrouy/pseuds/Tramsrouy
Summary: Wanna read about the batboys on caffeine?Yeah me neither.Anyway, Tims coffee has been stolen; pure chaos.





	1. Chapter 1

“Hey guys… where is my coffee..?!”  
Tim screamed at the volume of a race car on steroids, while hanging from the chandelier.

“Thy thist not knowth? Tookth from thy, to parch thy quench.”  
Jason screamed back, in Shakespearean English.

“JASON WHY ARE YOU SPEAKING LIKE THE CHARACTER IN THAT ONE PLAY?” Damian yelled back at them, while simultaneously drinking a cup of pure caffeine.

Dick jumped out of the piano.  
“Hamilton?”

“Yeah that's the one.”

Tim fell off the chandelier, falling on his face.  
“I like Hamilton. My favorite character is Lighting McQueen.”

“Thy isth glad someone elsth hasth good taste in thy characters,”  
Jason screamed, now in German.

“Nice… I wish I could speak Japanese.. but I'm only fluent in memes.”  
Dick spoke back, in tears.

Tim peeled his face off the floor.  
“There there.” He said, patting a table, not his brother.  
“You're still our sister”

“Man, I wish I wasn't adopted. I wish I could be your guy's sister”  
Damian whispered to his cat.

“Hey Damiiaaannnnnnnn cannnn yooou play us a sonnnggg onnn yooooouuurrr vioooollllliiinnn??”  
Cried Dick, holding Jason in a headlock.

“I don't play the violin, I play the viola.. it's like a small cat which goooeessss UUUUHAAAAA”

“That was truly beautiful Damian, I didn't know you played so well,” Tim said, rolling around on the floor.

And that's why only Tim can have coffee.

The end.


	2. Jason brings some cake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The sequel of the great caffeine massacre.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: do not take drugs.  
> Or cake from homeless, insane, vigilantes with daddy issues.

“I can't believe this. The first time I try caffeine was my last.” Damian sighed.

Caffeine was permanently banned from Dick, Jason, and Damian, due to previous events. Tim, however, should NEVER go without coffee.

Dick sighed as well.  
“Bruce banned all caffeine! Coffee, Pepsi, Coke-”

“What eva could you mean.. I have some coke right here..”   
Said Jason, holding up a bag of white powder.

“JASON. WHERE DID YOU GO” yelled Tim, entering the room.

“Not heaven that’s fo shizzle” Yelled back Jason.

“This cake tastes very purple…” cried Damian, whom had just consumed a cake made with cocaine instead of flour.

“I BAKED IT MYYYYSELLLF.” Screamed Jason, louder than a vigilante who had just consumed a deadly amount of drugs.

“Why, bruzzah, how long did that take?” Said Tim, who was already eating the cake.

“Nineteen dollars at Walmart..” whispered Jason, mixing powder into Dick’s cereal.

Damian fell from the ceiling, though no one knew how or when he got up there.  
When he finally got up, he picked up the toaster.

“ you are my only friend, Jon.”  
Damian said, dropping the toaster out of the window, which hit Alfred. The gross old man, not the cat.

‘BLOODY HELL’ screamed a voice, coming from the ground.

“SANTA? Is that youuuuuuu???” Whined Dick, who was crying in the corner.

“Santa doesn't say ‘hell’ Dick. That is not appropriate. Someone as cool as Santa must use much more intense swears such as-”

Jason was rudely interrupted by the crispy old man who lived in the mansion.

“Jason. Get out.”

 

From this point on, Jason was not allowed to bring lethal substances into the manor, otherwise Bruce would disown him.

 

 

(Again)

**Author's Note:**

> WOWEWWOOWOW  
> I can't believe you actually read this for like more than two seconds.  
> Well, kudos to you, I guess.


End file.
